So I JUST saw Dark Knight Rises. I was in Disney World the day it came out doing Disney stuff with the niece and nephew and I was going to see it the night before my surgery but then I got super anxious and didn’t want to sit in a theater for three hours. And for the past three weeks I really couldn’t bend my knee for more than a half hour or so without wanting to kill myself but I’m walking now and I can sit for a while and although it was incredibly uncomfortable at times I muscled through the movie.
The movie was uncomfortable, I mean…my knee was fine.
I mean, the first fault of the movie…and this isn’t fair to the movie, I know…is that it wasn’t The Dark Knight. Now I can go see Thor and love it and the fact that it’s not The Dark Knight never crosses my mind. But the fact that The Dark Knight Rises wasn’t The Dark Knight was very, very obvious.
I don’t know, and then there was that weird Atlas-shrugged vibe running through the movie. And the sort-of easily duped leftist working heroes who’ll drag the rich out of their hotels because, sure, there’s a VIOLENCE AND RESENTMENT IN ALL OF US, but oh look now you got a bread line. Suckers. Here’s comes the Captain Of Industry (TM) to save you all. Or whatever.
And then there were all the plot holes and there were oh so many plot holes.
And the beginning was a snooze-fest.
And there were so many cheesy “Superhero Movie” lines. And terrible cliched moments like, “I’m gonna throw by badge because I’m done with THE ESTABLISHMENT, MAN.”
But everything else was honestly awesome. The prison scene was cool as all hell and the final battle was intense and even Bain Capital’s Master Plan (well, the initial execution) was perfectly fun to watch! But…you know how James Bond villains are lampooned for setting up elaborate death traps and leaving the only person who can stop them alone to die by laser to the groin or whatever…no James Bond villain, no matter how stupid, would let that slow burn last for several months.
And how the hell did Bruce Wayne get back to Gotham, anyway? He was broke as no joke!
As I was saying…the plot holes were gaping.